Of course I'm sorry it was a difficult day for her, but oddly, it's one of the first things in a week to make me feel better. Because I had a very difficult week, and I couldn't seem to get over it.
Three days in a row, things happened that seemed unfair. It felt like I kept getting punched for nothing I did.
First, there was a guy who, as I saw it, came on kind of strong to me during the holidays, giving me the impression he was both available and interested. Then at a dance on Wednesday, he was with somebody else -- and that's okay, I realized by then that nothing was going to be happening between us -- but didn't say one word to me. That's cold.
Next day, I accidentally left my REI water bottle at the school where I tutor. As far as I know, I'm their only adult cyclist, but next day when I went looking, first thing, for my water bottle, they told me they'd thrown it away. I sort of thought they liked me.
And then, I met up with a guy to discuss a JD Salinger short story, but it turned out he wanted to keep being mad at me because I don't want more than a friendship.
Believe me, I have tried to mine these incidents for life lessons. Yes, I got too excited too fast about that first guy, but it didn't take long to get real. (When a man waits until the day before New Year's Eve to ask what you're doing, you can be certain he's not interested.)
The water bottle? Some people probably have no genuine concept of a bike water bottle.
The angry friend? Fine, I get that he's mad, and feelings are feelings.
But I couldn't seem to get over feeling beat up. I said to myself, Just duck and let the unpleasantness float right on over your head and away. I said, "There's nothing you can do about the behavior of others." I said, "Pray it away."
Maybe all that is finally helping. Or maybe it's reading my friend's post, and getting confirmation for my sneaking suspicion that there's just some weird planetary alignment thing going on, and everybody's a little crazy.
And that makes me feel better?
Oddly, yes.
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5 comments:
Threw away your REI water bottle ? Geez-most places have a lost and found. Sorry about that. I wondered if you were ok with the long absence. So glad you are back. I have decided that we are experiencing these days a serious loss of intimacy- the respectful sharing of ideas and emotions that help us to reflect life's hills and valleys or put another way- perspective . Bless you in the new year . Beth
Oh Mary. It IS unfair! I'm sorry these people don't know any better than to behave in a hurtful way. Their loss, though. There's a book I like that has meditations I find so comforting, THE CHEMISTRY OF JOY, and in these situations it's appropriate to do a compassion meditation that helps you know you are not the intended target of people who behave badly.... that your compassion toward them can set you free from pain. Who needs these meany-butts? That's what I say. I love you.
Gee Deb....meany-butts?
Well Mary, in the way your friend made you feel good, you make me feel good.
After 10 hours at work yesterday I came home and found out the evening wasn't going to be what I had planned. Fortunately I realized (more quickly than I usually do) that I wasn't the only one in the house who makes evening plans.
After supper I went for a 2+ mile walk, came home and, leaving my sweater on, poured myself a glass of wine and went up and sat on the upstairs porch for about 45 minutes. My plan wasn't that good.
I love you (and you too Deb) (maybe you too Beth)!!
Thank you all for the encouraging words. Yup, we all have to learn to roll with it, don't we?
It is still the beginning of the new year. Maybe things will start looking up for you yet. Bummer about the water bottle, though. We environmentalists love our special things.
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